Thursday, October 18, 2012

Arm wrestling would've been WAY better than this crap.

You know where I want my next job to be at? Summit Entertainment.

No, not because they historically produced mediocre small budget films that mostly focused on female leads and flimsy thriller plotlines. I don't want to work on the production side. Puh-leeze, those hours? No thanks.

No, no. I want to work in promotions, marketing, and publicity. Why? Because you apparently don't ever have to do anything in your job. You can put out a hard deadline to give an answer by, and then just not meet your deadline. Added end of the year bonus for not issuing an apology via your website.

Arm wrestling for a spot at Fan Camp would've been SO MUCH FASTER and MORE EFFICIENT than this random drawing. I mean, surely it's based on a really simple algorithm that I can google:

This is totally not right, btw.


I'm totally right on this one.

4,000 chicks waiting longer than it takes to turn into a vampire = REALLY ANNOYING AND LAME

4,000 chicks arm wrestling = awesome

In other news, Donald Fehr is still being a jerk.  Here's my open letter to the players: You're NOT GETTING 57%! STOP THINKING YOU ARE. This is WHY you're locked out. Because you're NOT going to get that. Take the 50% and get all the people you're taking work away from back into their jobs. I mean, really, I'm being serious. This $1.62billion "loss" is such crap when you look at the thousands of lives you are affecting by your petulance. And I don't mean the people wanting to watch you play hockey again and buy your shit so you can get 50% of the proceeds. I mean the people selling tickets to your games, cleaning up the arenas before and afterward, cleaning the ice, running the office, filming and producing your games, broadcasting your games, flying your private jets, cleaning your private jets, selling your products, selling food at the arenas. I mean THOSE people. Those people who ARE NOT WORKING NOW BECAUSE OF YOU. I DO NOT HAVE PATIENCE FOR THIS.

/end shouty caps

Don't you kind of wish this all ended here:
"I wanna be a vampire and, like, lurve you always and 4eva."
"Are you sure? Cuz it's kind of boring and I generally always act like a
whiny husband with a cold."
"I'm totes sure."
"LET'S DO THIS THEN!"

We would've had SO MUCH MORE free time.


15 comments:

  1. Maybe Summit hires people by random drawing? Maybe you just toss your name into a jar at Starbucks, thinking that one day you'll get a free mocha, but instead Summit calls you and tells you you are in charge of a massive random drawing and can you start tomorrow?

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    Replies
    1. As long as they're paying a competitive rate and offering health insurance benefits and 5 weeks PTO, then I'm totally in.

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  2. My assistant should work at Summit. She'd fit right in. Deadlines - huh? People waiting on you - wha? Doing it right the first time - weird! It would be a perfect match. They wouldn't care and she wouldn't have to worry about a mediocre performance review!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Also, if they'd ended Twilight at the first movie, we'd never have New Moon and I wouldn't have wasted nearly 2 years of my life on a comically inappropriate Chris Weitz crush. That would have been no fun. I do think Bella only married Edward as a stepping stone to Aro. There is no other explanation.

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    2. No way! She could've had Edward killed way back in New Moon and then told Aro she'd be his vampire lovah foreva if he turned her.

      I mean, you saw her look when he says, "It's too bad you won't turn her." and she's all, "Damn right, Sex Machine. Why don't YOU do it? I want you to be my maker." Ahem.

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    3. Oh, Aro is intrigued by Bella, of that I'm certain. But Bella isn't ready for him. I am sure Aro can take comfort in the fact that a woman like Bella will eventually emotionally (and sexually) outgrow Edward. She wants adventure, the thrill of the hunt, the ecstasy of desire moments before it is fulfilled. Edward can only offer a dorky cabin and a mopey attitude. Sure, he's a hot mope, but one day she'll realize that why settle for a lion when you can have a quality hyena?

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    4. "I'll be your hyena" *said in a Val Kilmer western accent*

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    5. Hate to say this, but all this talk about "Bella" outgrowing "Edward" sexually has reminded me of Krupert.

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    6. The world needs more Krupert reminders. A moment in time that will live in our heart forever.

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  3. LMAO at the end picture "lets do this!" and yes husband DO get whiny with a cold- SO TRUE! And ew to the Aro comments- Sheen Peen just sounds so...gross.

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    Replies
    1. Did you know that the name Aro means "hard & relatively infertile dirt" - who doesn't want THAT? I mean, he had me at hard. ;)

      Delete
  4. Chicks arm wrestling is hawt. Forget the camping, I'd enter a draw to buy tickets to that event.
    Summit, you really could be milking this so much more than you already are. Again, amateurs.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Chicks arm-wrestling would attract a whole new demographic, for sure!

    ReplyDelete
  6. That old dude in the top Ashram Esme banner is so freaking HOT.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Walk away. Walk away now. You have been warned.

      Delete

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