Wednesday, October 3, 2012

The Definitive Guide to Tent City, Part A

Today's post comes from guest blogger NatteringYeahRobber aka PineyLonesome who is a founding member of the Ashram Esme fan camp. She offers the following sage advice in a tried and true numbered list format... just in case you thought order would be missing from BD2 Tent City (aka Shit Show 2012):

1. Tent City can be a scary strange place, so bring comforting decor which reminds you of home: framed 8X10 Krupert photos, dozens of boxes of green tea you purchased due to their health benefits but never drink because none are as good as coffee, half dead plants which are either under or overwatered, falling apart retaining walls, recycling your husband is too f'ing lazy to throw in the bin just right outside the door, and dirty kid socks.

2. Bring underwear to wear over your crotchless panties in Tent City. Though Summit does not say you cannot wear crotchless underwear, California state law states that crotchless underwear is not (yet) a protected right. Our state is a little prudish.*

3. Bring walkie talkies so you can look like you know something others don't. While others are chatting on cell phones about possible Michael Sheen sightings, you can look like you are down with Summit Security frequencies. You can impress others around you with code phrases like "Operation Garden Burger IN EFFECT" and by screaming "NOW NOW NOW - GO GO GO" then running off toward the exit.

4. There's always the possibility of an earthquake while you are in California. While you are here, do what the natives do and plan to buy earthquake supplies but then half ass it by putting 2 bottles of water, a napkin and a can of garbanzo beans in your car. Make sure you have an "I'm about to get hit by pane of large glass from the sky, so please post this weird fanfic I wrote online before I die" email message all ready typed out and queued up.

To be continued in the second installment... The Definitive Guide to Tent City: Part B.

*In the state of Oregon, public nudity is viewed by law as a recognized form of public protest.

1 comment:

  1. You can impress others around you by screaming "NOW NOW NOW - GO GO GO" then running off toward the exit.

    Remember when one of the CHE tools actually did that?!!


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