"I love a good lineup!" exclaimed Zoe.

We should've entitled Ashram Esme just simply Murphy's Law. Because each and every time something could go wrong, it did. Whatever couldn't possibly be any worse, suddenly was worse. And let's not even bring up the airport saga we went through getting to LAX.  JFK airport's dead, Angela! Don't bring it up again.

What it's like NOT to meet Stephenie Meyer after waiting 4 hours in the sun to do so.

Saturday morning there was a SURPRISE! slotted for 10:00am in our itinerary, so I dressed cute and brought stuff to have signed. After realizing it was not the mass celebrity meet and greet, we quickly surmised that it was Stephenie Meyer. That morning was the morning we learned the hard way that Summit and CHE (Chad Hudson Events, who put on the whole thing) have a serious case of mismanagement, miscommunication, and Schadenfreude. 

This horrible blonde woman was calling number groups (based on your wristband) so it wasn't a bum rush or whatever. It was a random drawing, only they didn't tell us that not all of us were going to meet Stephenie. They didn't tell us anything except to MOVE BACK! in really surly tones.

I'll let PineyLonesome explain... she really paints the setting most accurately:

First, she decided to call out numbers without using any sort of megaphone or microphone or visual aid. None of us could hear her due to the ambient crowd noise. It would have been so easy to write the numbers down on a poster and have someone hold up the poster. It would have been even easier to make use of the massive JumboTron screen behind her. Or, she could get a megaphone. At some point, one of her staff handed her a megaphone (halfway into the signing) and she started calling out numbers, but the megaphone was defective. It made it even worse. Some people started to tweet out the numbers, which was also helpful (If you had the Wifi password, and Wifi password was only given out via rumor and word of mouth instead of being posted anywhere, you know, ACCESSIBLE).

But even worse than her complete lack of competence was her condescending attitude. She told us that if anyone in line failed to obey the rules, we'd all lose our privilege. Another girl there, who is a preschool teacher, told me that she occasionally uses those tactics on the 3 year olds (but she didn't like to do that since it punishes the really good kids at the expense of the really bad kids).

Then the blonde woman kept making us repeat after her "1 photo, 1 autograph, don't bring anything else to sign." Then, because she thought it was funny, she'd occasionally yell out (with clarity somehow) stupid questions like "HOW MANY PHOTOS?" and "HOW MANY AUTOGRAPHS" and "WHAT SHOULD YOU BRING TO SIGN." People in the audience responded. Except LTT people and a few others, because we all are adults and can fucking follow instructions and don't need someone to quiz us nonstop about said instructions.

After all the numbers were called, which no one said "That's it, guys! Sorry!", we were left standing around confused, trying to see if that was the end of the signing or if SM was just taking a lunch break. The CHE team had left to go work on the concert set up, which was quickly approaching in the itinerary slot and right in the same area we were all standing. It was 700 people completely baffled and rightfully pissed off, stood around going, "WTF IS GOING ON! Are we NOT meeting Stephenie?"

Finally the blonde woman said to us, "I'm going to check with Stephenie and see if she's willing to stay longer to meet more people. Don't be upset...yet."

YET?

Goodbye.

So, we stood for about 10 minutes next to the other slighted Twihards (including Nutty Madame, mind you) and then decided, "Screw this, let's get lunch." and we did. Skipping the Twilight Concert in which basically every famous person ever associated with Twilight attended (no, not actually, just five).  (eye roll)  Whatever.

---

By Sunday, the day we assumed we'd meet Guri (who wasn't even in LA, btw), I knew that I had to dress down and not bring anything to sign. Expect nothing. NOTHING. Because as soon as you expect more than a stale yet somehow slightly moist blueberry muffin and an epic shaft of a celebrity meet-and-greet, they will suddenly run out of  bagels and Peter Facinelli will skip ONLY your section and then wave to everyone like he did sign your Return of the Volturi poster.

Clearly Peter is waving directly at Ashram Esme.

Luckily, my plan worked. PFach turned out looking deliciously hot, and stood close enough for me to make out with him. I did not make out with him, don't worry. If I had, you wouldn't be getting these after-the-fact-updates from me, since I would've been kicked out of Fan Camp stat.

In addition to people giving us free stuff, we also got to meet-and-greet (use of the term "meet" loosely here) Jackson, Maggie Grace (ADORE!), Mia Maestro, MyAnna Buring (Downton Abbey ftw), BooBoo Radley, and some kid named Brandon who played a wolf in BD2.

*Drool* He was so hot in person. Cannot express how hot.

I'm going to pretend we are in a park together in this photo,
and he is pouring me a glass of wine while I'm lying back,
propped up on my elbows, looking up at him. (nods)

MyAnna sees you... (Seriously no clue what's happening here,
but I own that exact shade of lipstick)

Jackson signing Piney's Twilight novel and looking dapper.

Brandon guy signing the Ashram Esme banner.
StoneBumChum, the artist, featured on right :)

Mia looking cute

Still looking cute

I loved you on LOST, Maggie!

Go Team Seth!

After all of that nonsense, we left to go to the beach. Well, that was the plan at least for me, Piney, and Ilene. We'd head to the hotel, drop some stuff off, then go to Venice Beach. The weather was gorgeous, nothing was standing in our way... 

Except that when we got down to the main camp area (Group Sex got shafted to the parking garage, did we mention that?  Remember when we mentioned that before like it was a joke and not going to happen? Well, it did happen. Fur realz. Murphy showed up and laid down his law), there were all these OTHER celebrities doing meet and greet with the people in the main camp. And the organization of it was so ridiculous that the celebrities were all on the outside and the fan camp people on the inside, but then all the Group Sex people walking by were...on the outside! Which enabled some entertaining things to occur...

Do you recall when I was all, "Oh, I might meet Charlie Bewley!"?  

I did.

He's so much taller than I expected!

In an email to Spirit Camp I expanded on the story... 

The most memorable thing at Fan Camp (besides all the glorious times with my Ashram Esme girls) was meeting Charlie Bewley and Traci and KBV seeing me on the "wrong" side of the guardrail (Charlie's side). On our walk back to regular Tent City (Groups 1-5's tents), we saw Erik Odom in a henley that was nearly the same color as Tom Hiddleston's eyes, and Piney got a photo of us right after some girl serenaded him with her mandolin playing (NOT LYING).

Erik Odom photo bomb!!!
This was taken while he was recording the serenade.
Yes, I am laughing at the absurdity.

Then was looking for Guri. And I mean LOOKING. I scoured the regular Tent City like an eagle looking for a rabbit. No Guri. There was Noel, but no Guri. Where was he? I started tweeting it out: Guri WHERE ARE YOU? And some girl in Scotland gave me false hope in her reply. By then Piney was long gone, back to the hotel to get ready for our trip to the beach. But I wanted Guri. It was serious. That was when I looked up and saw Charlie Bewley basically 10 ft in front of me, with no barrier in the way, no anything. Just Charlie, his handler, and a small throng of girls on the other side of the barrier. I approached him and somehow managed to speak in a normal sounding voice, "Are you Charlie?" at which point he turned back, looked me in the eye, smiled, and said, "Yes."  I asked for a photo, the whole thing was surreal. I was so unprepared. I had nothing to sign, nothing but my camera phone [and boobs?]. I debated telling him that Jules says hi. But I didn't want to be that creepy girl who is friends with his friend. So, I just thanked him and his handler and walked away in anonymity trying to escape the Fan Camp barriers (there was no exit that way). By the time I'd rounded back to find another way out, more girls had discovered Charlie's precarious lack of barrier placement and there was a line on both sides (one sympathized with the behind-the-barrier girls who got the shaft).  Then I tweeted the photo of me and Charlie to Jules, who thought it was hilarious and asked if I'd told him to put his cap on correctly. In the words of Mr. Hiddleston, "Ehehehehe."

Erik is an illuminated manuscript.

Oh, and in case you were wondering... we definitely made it to the beach!

and the Venice Canals...

;)

The Wait List, Part III

The Wait List continues today in the third installment of the story...

Bella looked across the parking lot. It was empty. He was gone. Of course he was gone. 15 minutes is a long time to wait for someone who is not yet a friend. Damn it. If she ran, she'd at least catch the last bus home.

 

She adjusted her backpack and started running toward the bus lot. She got there just as the last bus had left the stop. The walk home was at least 45 minutes and it had just started to rain. Again. This time, the rain was colder, as it was part of an cold front coming down from the gulf of Alaska.  

 

She started walking along the side of the main road, which did not have a sidewalk. Her pants were soggy. Her shoes were muddy. Her hair, which still hadn't dried from her earlier shower, was completely soaked. Jessica drove by and rolled down her window. "I can give you a ride home, but you'll need to join the wait list," she taunted. "Fat fucking chance, Jessica!" Bella replied.  Jessica aimed her car toward the puddle near Bella, skidded her wheels, and sprayed Bella with dirty pavement water. Misery. This was misery.

 

Another car slowed down beside her. No doubt one of Jessica's groupies. She turned away in order to avoid more puddle dousing. "Get in," a voice called. It was a male voice. It was Edward's voice. The car pulled over to the point where the asphalt gave way to the mud.

 

"Sorry...I'm soaking. I'm going to ruin your seats, " Bella warned.

 

"I don't care about these seats. Get in now, it's not safe out there" Edward demanded.

 

Bella sat down. Edward put the heater on and directed the vents to her face and feet. The instant warmth felt wonderful.  She placed her hands to the vent after her face had dried and let the hot air warm her pruny, cold fingers. "Thank you. Thank you. I'll help pay for the mud cleaning," she told Edward. They were quiet for the next 10 minutes as she felt her body temperature slowly climb back to 98.6 degrees. He pulled onto her street. She didn't remember telling him where she lived, but maybe she had. She was exhausted.

 

"I live on the fourth house down, on the left. But do you mind driving a little further? There's a dirt road at the end of the street. Would you mind pulling off on it when you get to it?" Bella asked.

 

Edward nodded. They passed her house. The lights were still off, meaning her father wasn't home yet. He was probably working another late shift.

 

Edward pulled off to the side road and turned the car off. "You can kiss me now," he joked.

 

Bella unstrapped herself from her car seat. She moved to his side of the car. He looked nervous. He had been joking about her kissing him, but she was serious. She needed to kiss him. She reached over and unclicked his belt buckle.

 

"Listen, about the list. I need to tell you something. And it might scare you. Ready?"

 

Bella nodded. Guess the kiss would have to wait, she thought.

 

"When you sign the list, you are basically signing one of your parents up to work the boiler room at the mill. It is the most dangerous assignment. The boiler is unstable and often just blows, but someone needs to be there to constantly attend to it. The mill cannot afford another boiler. No one wants that awful job, so it is scheduled by a lottery system. If your number is picked, one of your parents has the shift. The more people on the list, the less likely the odds for one of your parents to be picked. No one has ever served more than five shifts there without being killed by that boiler. So that's why they want you to sign the list. To sign your Dad up for the lottery." 

 

Bella went pale. Edward took her hand.

 

"Jesus. That's awful," Bella replied. She started to cry. She couldn't lose her father. 

 

"Your Dad has avoided the list since he's the only cop in town, and he's had no one sign the list for him. People can't put themselves on the list, that's one of the strange rules. Now that you are here, people expect you to put him on the list. They are going to hound you until you sign it, Bella. The bullying will get worse. And if you don't sign it, Charlie will be forced into working the shift. No lottery option." Edward hated to be the one to tell her the horrific nature of the list, but he knew that if he didn't, no one else would.

 

Bella looked shocked. She actually looked like she might pass out. He had to think fast.

 

"There is a way to keep your Dad safe, though. It's not conventional and it is pretty extreme, but it will keep him safe," Edward stated.

"I can't lose him," replied Bella.

DIY Day! How To Make Your Own Tent City: A Step-by-Step Guide

Guest post today by Rachel B!!!! Rachel is who introduced me to Twilight back in 2008! Rachel can't make it to LA this November because she just had the cutest baby ever and the @BD2FanCamp FAQ didn't discuss how infants are considered as registrants.  So, she has given us an easy to follow DIY guide to making your own Tent City!!!!!  READ ON :D

Why Rachel can't come to BD2 Tent City.

 Listen, not everyone can really afford to go to L.A. for the premiere of BD2.  Whatever your reasons may be for not going to L.A.--money, time, children--you can still have fun getting ready for BD2 by creating your own tent city!  And let's face it, if you don't camp out for Twilight movies you are NOT a real fan.

How To Make Your Own Tent City:

Step 1: Set up your tent in front of your house.  This is best if you live in a big city in a row of houses but works just as well if you live anywhere.  Set up your lawn chair and cooler by your tent and put out a sign stating "Line Forms Here"

Step 2: Bring your TV outside with you and constantly play Twilight, NM, Eclipse and BD1 on repeat.  If your eyes need a break you can listen to the soundtracks on repeat, too! In order of course.

Step 3: Put out your cardboard cutout of Edward, Jacob and/or Kellan Lutz.  Wait, you don't have one of those?  You're lying.  You then make a little sign for your cutout saying "saving [your name]'s place in line" and put it out whenever you need to go inside to go to the bathroom.

Step 4:  When you go inside to go to the bathroom, put out a box of donuts and a little sign that says "free donuts for Twilight fans."  If When someone stops to take a donut, run outside screaming "nooooooo!  eating donuts is a violation of tent city codes!!!!!"

Step 5:  Tell anyone who comes to your door (friends, the mailman, UPS, girl scouts) that they cannot come into your tent city unless they have pre-registered with Summit.

Step 6: Stock your cooler with True Blood.  Try to hand it out to anyone who walks by and invite them to hang out with you in your tent!  Oh wait, wrong vampire book series.  Meh do it anyways!!!

Step 7: Oh! you know what else you can do with your cardboard cutouts?  Stick them in your tent and have the flap unzipped just enough so it looks like they are peeping out.  See if anyone notices.

Step 8: Follow me on twitter. (@rachel_b123)  you'll see why, oh, you'll see

Step 9:  Host a Tent City Sign Making Contest in your tent city.  Invite all your friends and hang the best signs up on your tent.

Step 10: Go watch Breaking Dawn 2 in your own city.  Without all the smelly people who have actually been camping out for a week.  Enjoy the usage of your own bathroom.  Buy popcorn AND soda at the movie because you saved hundreds on dollars not buying plane tickets out to L.A.!  Heck, buy yourself a new BD2 tshirt too!

Fin.

Rachel is the brilliant mind behind the blog "You Just Can't Google Everything."  She is a terrific Twilight fan, and a lover of Vampire Diaries, True Blood and most recently, Game of Thrones.  She is Team Emmett.  She also has other interests besides sparkly vampires and sexy werewolves, but those aren't really relevant to this post.